I was sitting here today reflecting on my past, the good times and bad. Thinking about the questions I used to ask myself, why am I here, what is my purpose, why am I different from my sisters, what is the void in my life, etc…
Growing up I always liked to get along with others, laugh, have fun, be the peace maker, but I always felt a sense of rejection from my siblings. I have 2 sisters that always showed jealousy towards me, I felt like I was alone I was always happy on the outside but hurt on the inside.
I grew up quick I was pregnant at 16 and married and I was divorced at 18, not even old enough to know what life was about raising my son in an alcohol enviornment for 12 years thinking this is what life is about. Again I was happy on the outside and feeling hurt and alone on the inside. Finally one day I had enough of living life this way, My son and I moved back home with my mom and 3 months later I met the man of my dreams, 2 weeks later we were engaged and 5 months later married.
It was love at first sight we both felt that way, we took 2 families and became one with 4 children 2 girls and 2 boys. The first three years of our marriage we tuff again I was dealing with rejection from his children, and an alcohol enviornment. I didn’t know if I would be able to stick this out, I kept thinking to myself is this what life is really about. Well our marriage was to the point of anger,bitterness, fighting etc.. One night enough was enough we both stopped our drinking.
We started to going to AA and church our life was getting better, we were starting to realize there was much more to life then picking up a dink to make it through the day. This is the point that my reflections started to produce the beauty in my life today. I have no regrets of my past it is what made me strong in who I am today, It is my testimony of what God has done in my life.
I have been sober 5 years in August, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and He is who I am. I realized I was never alone He was always there waiting for me. This was the void I was yearning for, my life has changed I know who I am and my purpose for being here. Isaiah 61:3 says it and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.
I am a Daughter Of A King, I am The Righteousness Of Christ. His love never fails for me, He will never leave nor foresake me. I am so glad that everything I did He forgave me and was there with open arms for me. He pulled me out of the miry clay I was living in and accepted me the way I was.
So needless to say all of those questions I had about my life growing up were revealed to me and I know who I am and my purpose in life today, I no longer have to be happy on the outside and hurt and feel all alone on the inside. It is not I that lives but Christ that lives in me. Don’t ever think less of yourself then what your Heavenly Father thinks of you. Don’t ever think that your mess is too big for Him to clean you up and make you righteous.
Father I thank you for accepting me the way I was, and loving me the way you do. When I was out there lost not knowing my purpose in life you waited right here for me, you never left me and you accepted me with open arms. I pray that your love shines through me in my daily walk and I give it away to others that I meet that are feeling the same way I did. Lord unveil their eyes show them their purpose and help them understand your unfailing love.. In Jesus’ Name AMEN !
Faithful One